Blog #58: LeT mE OuT

Blog 58–How are you doing reflective blog part II. What is the hardest part of social isolation?

It hasn’t really hit me yet that senior year is over for good. It’s not just that this year is over, but high school is over for good which is a huge bummer. I’m really upset that I won’t get to say goodbye to my teachers or peers. Chances are I’ll see some people during the summer once this quarantine stuff is over, but a lot of people I won’t. I wish I knew my last day at Washington-Liberty was the last. I miss being in the classroom and I miss GP. The only reason I’ve ever been okay with school and all the work we have is that I got to see my friends and teachers every day. Now all I have is hours of pointless work to do alone in my room. I miss people a lot.

It’s been hard for me to be optimistic about really anything lately. There is so much uncertainty about grading and senior experience. I don’t even know when we’ll all be allowed outside again. I have very little motivation to complete assignments because I don’t see the point. I don’t particularly care about physics class or Spanish class so why do I still have to do work for the classes. This is a whole other level of senioritis. I feel bad saying that, but the truth is I just want to spend my time on things that I care about. Luckily, I still care about philosophy though!

I’ve also been trying to fill out all these forms for government background checks for my FEMA internship. It is a whole new level of tediousness and torture typing every little detail about my past. I’m hopefully going to be working with the FEMA office of external affairs and doing communications work for my senior experience. I’ve recieved the tentative internship offer, but it’s not official yet. It’s hard to balance my FEMA work with my school work. However, I guess teachers assume that all I have right now is schoolwork.

The hardest part of isolation is looking on the bright side. Being stuck inside with literally nothing to do but chores and homework can get depressing. Obviously though, I know I am extremely privileged to be in the position I am. I am healthy, I have food to eat, and solid wifi. There are so many people who have it so much worse. However, this all still seems kind of shitty. Being a very hyper and outgoing person, social isolation has proven to be very difficult. I just never expected this to happen and I don’t particularly like it, but there’s nothing I can do.

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  1. Holland,
    You are a people person. I know you might find people annoying at times, but you also enjoy being social and everything you said in your first paragraph is wrenching. I was speaking with my mentor and friend today and we agreed this crises, in someways, is hardest on the young. It’s added an intensifying layer of uncertainty and doubt to an already anxious world. It’s hardest because the young are so intertwined with peers and friendships. Being around the young–yes you guys are hard on each other, my mother once said NOBODY is harder on the young than the young themselves–BUT you also derive amazing epiphanies from each other, you get sometimes great advice and ideas from each other, you support one another, you empathize with one another, you look after and look out for one another and you practice being human with one another–going through disagreements and “she said what…?” and “I hate so and so…,” all the practice of social relations necessary to navigate the adult world you are joining. A world where in so many ways, adults have let you down. A world where, in so many ways, adults have messed things up. Yes, your teachers are there to impart something to you and imparting it through online impersonal learning isn’t always inspiring but they are trying and this is difficult for everyone…but…having the most important peers you have, your friends, kind of ripped away from you, is absolutely galling. It must produce moments of sadness and anger and disillusion and fear. Social media is not a true replacement for seeing someone face to face, and even though most of you are used to social media like you are used to breathing, you still recognize the difference and this crises makes it all the more difficult because you can’t see your friends. Maybe we’ll be lucky and in a few months time our Philosophy class can meet up in a park and have a techne presentation picnic. That would be grand.
    But do put in the work for FEMA because as Jesse Jackson once said, you have to “keep hope alive.” Do try to keep a routine and stay on top of your responsibilities, but also do things that bring you joy. That is the bright side. Each and everyday can be planned to optimize your new opportunities for family time, Holland time, work for school time and filling out FEMA applications time. And then you also have to set aside time to facetime with friends and…complain. There is nothing wrong with some good old fashioned complaining these days. You just can’t stay there too long.
    You got this Holland. I know you will make it through and you will find your eudamonia.

  2. Thanks for the feedback/commentary. I’ve been working on creating a schedule that has been helpful in managing everything. I’m kind of getting into the groove of things. I am also trying to decide where to go to college (lol) so that’s been interesting. Unfortunately, this morning FEMA told me my internship has been indefinitely postponed :/ Hopefully, I’ll be able to do it during the summer or something.

    1. I am sorry to hear about the FEMA postponement. That is hard to hear. But, don’t give up hope. Sometimes it’s all we have.

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